Category Archives: 30 Days of Truth Challenge

Family Fridays: The F Word

Again, my apologies for the lack of posts this week. I was in Chicago for work and just didn’t have enough time. Expect a few posts about my time in Chicago next week! I decided to combine my Family Friday post with the 30 Days of Truth Challenge. Today’s prompts are:

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

For me, the word forgiveness is the ultimate “F” word. It has never been easy for me to forgive people and let things go. Looking around, it isn’t all that easy for my family members or friends. In my opinion, the problem lies in expectations. Most of the people in my life have high even unrealistic expectations for one another. When that’s the case, the only way to go is down.

I must forgive myself for having high expectations. Too often, I set up these insanely high expectations for people and place them on a pedestal. When you regard someone so highly, the only way they can go is down. Within the last year, most of the people in my life have disappointed me and not met my expectations…because what I expected was just too much. I learned that building people up will only cause them to eventually fall down. I need to forgive myself for being unrealistic and in some instances, letting myself get SO caught up in that disappointment that I ruined a relationship. This is yet another example of a part of my life that needs more balance.

There’s a pretty long list of people I need to forgive. Instead of naming names (which would become a giant headache), I’ll give you a general example. As my good friend Niki pointed out in her blog today, I tend to put everyone else’s happiness before my own. Like I’ve said before, I really enjoy helping and investing in people. Sometimes, people take advantage of that. To those people, I forgive you for walking all over me and for taking advantage. That being said, I wouldn’t ever change what I did for those people. I just wish the relationship had been more mutually beneficial.

It’s especially hard for me to strike a balance of expectations and selflessness with my family. These are the people who are most important to me, so naturally I’d do anything for them. Over time, I’ve learned that family lets you down and expecting nothing will ultimately lead to less disappointment. It’s been hard for me to accept that certain members won’t rise to the occasion or sacrifice for me. True, you don’t do things to be repaid. But, it’s nice sometimes for others to go out of their way for you when you have for them.

I tend to forgive but never really do forget things that happened. Add this to the list of goals I have for 2013: to let more things go, especially insignificant occurrences. As cliché as it is, life is simply too short.

Is there anyone you need to forgive? Have expectations played a role in your personal relationships? Please share!

Introducing The 30 Days of Truth Challenge

Right before the holidays, my friend and mentee Amber emailed myself along with our other two friends, asking us to participate in the 30 Days30truthdays1-300x297 of Truth blogging challenge. In short, you are given a prompt for each day and must answer it openly and honestly. Since I never say no to Amber, I figured why not try it out. I plan to incorporate multiple prompts into one post but will continue blogging about other topics. So this may take more than 30 days. Here goes nothing!

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

I think it is too appropriate to put these prompts together since what I hate and love about myself are connected. I hate that I’m a constant over thinker. I cause myself too much stress wondering if the decision I made was right. I think it is my lack in self-confidence that leads to my continuous over thinking. I tend to feel like I’m always doing something wrong, disappointing someone and the list goes on. At work, I often contemplate if I did an assignment right and occasionally jump when my email goes off, afraid to look and see an irate email. Mind you, this has never happened so clearly it’s in my head. In my personal life, I wonder the wording of every text message, fearful I might aggravate my parents or friends. I honestly care too much about what other people think…because I am always trying to gain approval…thanks to a lack of self-confidence. Pretty full circle, right?

keep-calm-and-love-thyself-5Solution to the problem? Manage everyone’s expectations from the start of the job, conversation or whatever else. Accept the fact that I am good enough and whoever doesn’t think I am can take a hike. Realize nothing will ever be perfect. Figure out what triggers my lack of self-confidence. Have confidence in my decision-making skills since I’ve gotten myself this far without a real catastrophe. It’s a work in progress.

Now on a more positive note, what I love about myself. I love how much I care about people, projects and causes. I am invested in every single important person in my life.  If it or they matters to me, I give it 110 percent and will figure out a way to make it work. While there are times when I care too much, for the most part what I invest, I get back tenfold. When people see you are invested in them or their project, they tend to become equally as invested in you. Caring too much can lead to my over thinking but I wouldn’t change this part of my personality entirely. Like I said yesterday, 2013 is about balance for me. So, I am learning to balance my caring nature with the reality of caring too much and the negative things attached to that possibility.

A huge thank you to Amber for introducing me to the 30 days of truth blogging challenge. You should go check out her blog because it’s fantastic. Additionally, our other friend Lauren started her 30 days of truth challenge today too. Great minds think alike! The quote below sums it up.

“If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check.” – Eat Pray Love

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