A Letter to my Younger Self

The song that inspired this post that I saw live back in October

Recently, I’ve had conversations with people around my age about regret. Maybe it wasn’t labeled as regret per say, but that what if feeling that if something or someone were different, life would be easier/more complete/pick your positive adjective.

For a long time, I wished the same, that things had been done differently. I wished for situations and people to change. After careful reflection, I’ve found that all those shoulda, coulda, wouldas got me here, where I’m destined to me. Every mile mattered.

Writing a letter to my younger self was cathartic. I let go of who she was and am proud of who she’s becoming. Note: Becoming is a continuous process, things I learned from Michelle Obama. So if you’re stuck or unclear or wishing the past was different, write that teenager a letter and remember, you have no idea if things would change. I still talk to that little girl/teenager often and remind her it will all be okay. More on that below…

Hey there girlfriend,

I wish you could have read these words long ago. They probably would have saved you a dairy or two. I’d like you to have read this around 14 or 15 when you thought your life was defined by other people. I’m here to tell you it’s not. It’s all yours. True you have a few more years under the parenting trios’ reign, but they’re not so bad.

Sweet girl, this world is yours. There’s soooo much out there for you to explore. Don’t let your insecurities about your body or your brain stop you. You won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and that is ok. There is a tribe of exceptional women of all ages waiting for you. They’ll hold space for you, they’ll cheer you on, they’ll commiserate and drink wine with you. Don’t hesitate for a second on finding them.

You are worthy of all this love. You are wise beyond your years. Don’t let that stop you from having some fun now and again. It’s a balance my love and if it doesn’t make you light up inside, move on.

Boundaries will be important during the next decade. Don’t ever forget where and who you came from. They love you more than life itself. Cherish those small moments filled with dance parties and Saturday ice cream dates. Those will get you through the drama and pain that all families have.

You can be both beautiful and strong, independent and in love. You chose the how to define yourself. Every scar, every sad AIM away message, every step in this journey, they each matter and you my dear girl matter so much. I’m surrounding you with all of the hopes and dreams in the world.

Love you always lil mama,
Older you

Guiding Intentions for 2019

Since we’re mid-way[!] through the first month of 2019, it’s time to put my intentions for the year out into the universe. As I shared last year, I prefer intentions over resolutions as the new year begins.

Last year, my words were ease, kindness and ownership. I feel like I did a relatively good job living by these words. I definitely learned to flow more with the universe, down to the mundane daily tasks that sometimes shift. Kindness when annoyed or stressed is for sure harder. I’m learning to focus on the positive and embed more random acts of kindness, like holding the door, into each day. Ownership was likely the hardest; I still react when triggered but I’m better at articulating what I’m feeling and why I was triggered.

Now for my words of 2019:

• Connection: I’m all about building relationships and connecting people so at the surface, this seems fairly simple. I am challenging myself to meaningfully connect with people who are different from me or who I have a strained relationship with. It’s harder to be present with someone who challenges you.
• Conviction: This might look similar to ownership, which was all about owning up to my big emotions. Conviction is about values and purpose – knowing who I am, what I stand for and holding true to that even when challenged. There’s that word again…challenged.
• Calmness: I’m noticing more and more that I need crave quiet reflection time. Stillness brings peace and a settled feeling. I plan to embed calmness and silence into my nightly routine and blocked time on my calendar each Sunday for reflection time.

There’s something empowering about sharing my intentions with the world. Even writing them in your journal can help. My super talented friend Lizzy Russinko creates beautiful prints with people’s words of the year. While you can no longer submit words to her, perhaps yours is included in this year’s print. If not, I encourage you to share your intention for 2019. It can be words, a phrase or even a specific color. Having something to guide your year gives you momentum.

Please fill up the comments with your 2019 intentions too!