Tag Archives: Letting Go

Sick of Somedays

How many times have you flopped on your train home and said “I can’t wait for this day to end?” You don’t mean it literally, of course. We’ve all uttered these words but do we mean it?

I’m typing this on my flight home from Houston after a work conference. A few hours ago, not too far from Houston, yet another school shooting occurred, another set of innocents lives taken for no reason. Unfortunately, these shootings aren’t new headlines, as it feels like some massive tragedy is almost a weekly occurrence. Lately, it’s not only mass shootings that have me thinking about morality in general and how truly fragile life is. I’ve heard of people being at work on Thursday and gone Friday. People with plenty of life left to live. Let me be clear, death is scary and upsetting regardless, but when high-schoolers are shot or a relatively healthy 30 year old dies, it makes you pause.

Everyday matters

From the book, “Where Will You Be in Five Years?” Highly recommend!

I’ve seen or heard too many of these examples lately. Sometimes, there’s no reason why. All of these too close to home scenarios have me reprioritizing. As I’ve confessed before, I’m your typical type-A planner, who obsesses over the details. These personality traits come in handy most days. But it can leave me with somedays instead of todays.

The obsession and anxiety can be so paralyzing that my couch is the only place I want to be. It’s doesn’t happen often because I’ve learned to recognize it, yet I still catch myself spinning or avoiding tasks. My guess is this won’t ever go away. However, the obsessing is slowing down. You hear these tragic stories that bring the cliché “life’s too short” to fruition. There’s only time stop and smell the roses if you make the time. When’s the last time you looked up at the sky? Or gazed at the stars? If that’s not your thing, find what is. And make time for it. I’m not saying go quit your job and backpack Europe (maybe!) but slow the hell down.

How you ask? I’m still figuring it out. Some days it’s simply working outside so I can feel the sunshine. Other days it’s spending over an hour on the phone with my mom. For the month of June, it will likely mean living out of boxes as I refused to give up my social life to move. It’s thinking bigger. No one is going to say, “Wow she created a fantastic spreadsheet” at your funeral. They’re going to talk about how you made them feel and the memories you created. Drastic example, I know. But, asking myself the question, “If you look back at your life, do you like what you see?” has made me be more intentional with my time.

I’m not saying don’t strive for more. I know I always will, it’s in my DNA. And some of Diane Ackermanthat striving brings me a euphoric high that I’ve never want to lose. Yet, I find myself being more resilient and letting go of things more frequently. Screwed up a communication at work? Let’s debrief it and move on. Didn’t exercise today? Ok, I’ll try again tomorrow. Had a horrible date? On to the next one! Life really is too short to waste precious energy on things that won’t matter in five minutes, let alone five years.

And even for the big things that do matter, if I can’t change the outcome, then it’s not worth my energy. It’s not worth wasting a minute of my life. Because it’s all mine and all yours. Not your parent’s or your spouse’s or your kids’ or your employer’s. It’s yours, stand up, own it and give up the somedays.

Motivation Mondays: Stop Trying to Control Everyone!

This past week, I celebrated by 24th birthday. I am blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. The amount of birthday wishes I received along with cards and phone calls was overwhelming. I also got to spend time with some of my favorite people. Overall, ringing in 24 was a huge success.

Every year around my birthday, I think about how I want this next year to be different from the last. What areas of personal growth do I want to focus on? How can I step up my game at work? I usually get overambitious and write a list of goals for myself. But this year there’s one thing I need to focus on: assuming everyone thinks like I do.

I’ve talked about the comparison trap, managing exceptions and professional F.O.M.O. before. But as I was planning out each piece of my week-long birthday celebration, this idea occurred to me. Not everyone operates like I do. No two people think the exact same thing about a situation. I’ve assumed the people close to me think along the same lines as me. But just because we’re close doesn’t mean we have the same opinion on birthday celebrations, politics or anything else. Diverse perspectives are what makes the world go around!

ThinkingMy consistent issue is that I assume people (mostly in my personal life) have the same values/intentions/beliefs that I do. I expect my family and friends to fall in line with my thinking. News flash Alex, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Sometimes it’s really hard when people don’t prioritize the way you do. It can be frustrating, overwhelming, upsetting and downright disappointing. But you live, you learn and begin to understand why that person might feel that way. Easier said then done most of the time.

Yesterday, I attended a brunch held by Temple Women’s Network, where their keynote speaker Yasmine Mustafa, a Temple alum, told a story about biking Death Road in Bolivia. Named appropriately, this path is along a steep mountain with a variety of twists and turns that would cause the most adventurous individual to become skeptical. Yasmine said once she “let go” and stopped trying to control the bike, she was in less pain. She moved along the mountain with more ease and less fear. She made a perfect analogy for life: once you stop trying to control everything and everyone, life become a lot less painful. JUST. THE. MESSAGE. I. NEEDED. TO. HEAR!

So my goal for year 24 is to stop controlling how everyone in my inner circle thinks. I can’t make everyone see things my way nor do I really, truly want to. Am I still going to do things I want to do? Absolutely! But I’m not going to expect others to follow suit or to prioritize the way I do. Do you struggle with expectations and wanting others to think like you do? Share your thoughts below!

Family Fridays: Just Let Go

At the beginning of my sophomore year of college, one of my best friends got me a mug that read “Just Let Go.” I used to stand by my window staring at the Philadelphia skyline and repeat the phrase over and over again. It has become my mantra over the last few years, though at times it is exceptionally hard to do. That leads me to today’s post featuring no one specifically:

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I find letting go of people, places or experiences an art form. It takes careful review of the situation, usually a pro/con list and then an uncomfortable conversation. It is also very much a process; there’s no way you can just let go of something or someone in five minutes. For me, it is always an excruciating process where I waiver and over think (shocking!) my decision. At the current moment, there’s a lot of letting go I’ve been thinking about.

just_let_go_thumb[2]I have mentioned in previous posts that there is a lot of drama with my family. Additionally, I’ve talked about how most of my friends aren’t in the same locations or have conflicting schedules. All of these circumstances have made me think about who to keep or who to let go of in my life. Family is especially hard because there will always be occasions when we are in the same room. Similarly with friends, there are lots of people who run around in the same circles as me. So I might want to let go of one friendship while my other friend might stay friends with that person. Right now, my letting go definition is not to go the extra mile and to only make an effort when it will be reciprocated.

Since letting go is so hard for me, I’ve come up with a few questions to answer before initiating the process:

1. How frequently does this person impact your life? Is their impact something that positively enhances your existence?

2. When you interact with this person, is the conversation balanced or does it shift one way? Does the person spew toxic comments about others?

3. Do you feel your efforts towards the relationship would be/are reciprocated by this person? Is there a mutual effort to keep up a healthy relationship?

These are just some of the thoughts floating around in my head. Sometimes, you absolutely should fight for certain people, especially if your history with them is a mostly positive one. I’ll admit that I’ve let go of people too soon or let others ruin a relationship for me. I often wonder what that relationship would be like today. But, we all make mistakes and thankfully, I’ve learned from mine.

The choice to let go is ultimately a very personal one. With family and close friends,  it is very hard but sometimes necessary in order to preserve your own insanity. Just remember, you’re human, you’re allowed to feel whatever you want.

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