Tag Archives: Men

Woman Up, Man Down?

The world we live in is one of conflicting viewpoints, mixed messages from the media/pop culture and the ability to share your opinion broadly without hesitation in seconds. This creates the perfect storm of disagreement all over, both virtually and in person, which could complicate how we as women choose to use our voices.

Within this world, women are rising, for a multitude of reasons. One reason is the solidarity the #MeToo movement has created. While not part of that community, I can see its power. Women who were abused are standing on each other’s shoulders to hold their male abusers accountable. Their bravery is inspiring, their tenacity empowering.

There is no doubt in my mind that there are bad men out there. Ones who abuse, denounce and berate women at every opportunity. Those men must be held accountable. For certain, that’s not all men. As women, for us to make that generalization, one I hear in lots of places, from song lyrics to conference calls to presidential debates, is ultimately doing us a disservice.

Being pro woman does not mean you have to be anti men.

There are 33 female CEOs leading Fortune 500 companies this year (2019). While that is a record high, it’s certainly not where we want to be. So tell me, what play do you call here? Engage men differently to achieve success or minimize their existence altogether? We’re not going to change the landscape of leadership alone. We will need our brothers as allies to support our journeys.

It’s complicated, creating this dialogue, especially considering we live in such a polarizing environment. I’d offer taking a look internally at your own perspective would be the logical first step. Here’s a few ideas I plan to try as I wrap up my summer and head into my busy fall season.

  1. Review my personal board of directors. How can I engage more male perspectives and in which areas of my career/life would those be helpful? What current relationships could I leverage to build out these new relationships?
  2. Leveling up my personal vibrations by surrounding myself with positive influences, whether that be people, media outlets (there are still a few!), brands, businesses, etc. Negativity and hate perpetuate stereotypes and generalizations I don’t want to waste my energy on.
  3. Challenges assumptions – my own and other people’s. You can sing ‘You Don’t Own Me’ at the top of your lungs and then pull up your dating app to engage in productive (fingers crossed) conversations. It doesn’t have to be one way or another. Developing meaningful relationships with men – in any context – doesn’t mean you’re handing in your ‘Who Run the World? Girls’ card.
  4. In every situation, stay open and base your opinions on facts, not the story you’re telling yourself. This is the hardest one for me. I have to unwind stories I’ve told myself about men, especially when it comes to dating. It’s a dance, one that I’m now more conscious of so I can see when I’m making excuses for my conditioned behavior.

None of this is easy. Give yourself a level of grace as you carefully unwind these twisted stories that potentially aren’t serving you. More on that later this month too!

A Reminder for all my Single Ladies

It’s February 11th, which means we’re three short days away from Valentine’s Day. On this day, single women (maybe men too) pretend to hate the holiday, claim their independence and wear black. They tell themselves and the world that they don’t need anyone to take care of them. They celebrate with their girlfriends and refuse to entertain the idea of happily ever after. I’ve been guilty of this behavior but how is acting like this serving us?

For starters, I know I am making several generalizations. I am basing all of this off of my personal experiences and am not trying to bash fiercely independent single ladies, especially since I am one. You go and own that independence and keep doing you. My point is more about Valentine’s Day and love, which some cynical singles denounce. Do we really think that’s worth it? Probably not. If you believe in the theory that by putting good out there, you’ll receive goodness, then bashing men and relationships is pointless. Take your armor off girl and be vulnerable. All men are not created equally.

There are good men in the world. The sample of the population you’ve dated or dealt with is only a small portion of the whole. You’re also not allowed to base your attitude towards men on your relationships with any male relatives. I promise if you look outside of those populations, you’ll find good, strong, happy men. I work with several of them – colleagues I’ve had the pleasure of working with that are good men. Smart, vulnerable, funny, respectful men. They do exist I swear.

Case in point, my friend Alicia’s fiancé Andrew. I’ve only met Andrew once but based on my friend’s overall happiness, I can tell he’s a good man. And there’s proof! Check out the video below that shows how Andrew proposed to Alicia: with awarding winning photographers capturing several different shots that Andrew made into a stop motion video. Also pay attention to how Andrew starts the video…more evidence that when a spark of magic occurs, people show up differently.

 

So my single ladies (or any cynics out there), I challenge you to think differently about relationships, love and the upcoming holiday. Be open, put the positive vibes out there and you might be surprised at what you get in return.

Since I’m putting the ask out there for others, I should be practicing what I’m preaching. I created an online dating profile today. I’ve considered it in the past but now I’m really doing it!

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