Tag Archives: Self-Improvement

Motivation Mondays: Caring Less

I am a fixer. Ask anyone who knows me and they will agree with you. Any personality test I’ve taken indicates that one of my strengths is finding solutions to problems and working through tough situations. Even my astrological sign (Virgos rule!) reveals traits like logical thinker and being helpful that play into the fixer part of my personality. Being a fixer has its perks: I’m always trying to figure out easier ways to get things accomplished, I am the perpetual therapist for most of my friends (as they are for me) and I am a track changes addict (ok, maybe that’s cause I’m a words junkie). The problem with being a fixer: You can’t fix everything or everyone. 

change peopleTime and time again, I’ll try to help people, to offer sound advice, even sometimes demand people act differently. This has led to several arguments where everyone is crying, screaming and raising their blood pressures. When I head down the fixer path, I never intent for these heated debates to occur. I worry about the people I care about and genuinely want to help.

If you’re reading this, then you probably need to hear (read) this. Are you ready? Make sure you’re sitting down….

You cannot help people who do not want to help themselves. You cannot care about priorities that they don’t care about. Most importantly, you cannot (and will not) change people. They have to do that on their own.

Things you can do when you have the urge to fix people:

– Listen first before you give any advice. You might be missing some key facts.

– Remind them gently that only they can take action in their life.

– Write a letter to said person you are trying to fix. You don’t have to send it but at least you get all of your thoughts and feelings down in one place. It could be useful one day too.

– Think about ways to continue to improve yourself (aka the only person you can control) and dive in!

The ability to care less about people is extremely hard for me. My people are the reason all is rightbest within my world. Slowly after much heartache and angst, I’m learning every individual is in charge of their own destiny and I can’t change their direction, even if I throw an actual roadblock in their way. It’s hard when someone’s actions cause pain and even harm to others. You can’t choose how people reaction to that but rather can only control your own reaction. I’m working on that.

I will always care about certain people in my life. But I am learning to detach a little more and work on fixing myself rather than others.

Any other people fixers out there? How’s that working out for you?

Why Is This SO Hard?

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! I thought about writing a post all about love but that would be one giant cliché. Instead, let’s keep moving on this Truth Challenge. Today’s prompts were especially hard for me.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

I started the search for these answers by asking my 8 and 9-year-old siblings. Samantha’s response was she likes how I watch her dance. Antonio said I make the best pancakes. Clearly, these kids are the best and always make me feel like a rockstar. They did start the wheels in my head turning.

I’d venture to say the one trait people compliment me most on is my loyalty. I am beyond loyal; I will do anything for the people I love. I will work extra hard on a project I’m passionate about. The one I thing I know I’m good at is being there and showing up for the people I care about. I think my friends and family will agree when I say, if I love you, I will give you everything I have.

Something I never get compliments on is probably my ability to listen. Well, that’s not entirely true. If you need to vent, I will absolutely listen to you and give you my honest feedback. But, I am much more a talker than a listener. Once I start talking, it is usually very hard to get me to stop. One of my personal and professional goals is to be a better active listener and to curve my talking enthusiasm.

Do you agree with my compliment assessment? Share your thoughts with me!

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day and loving thy self, have a listen to Jennifer Hudson’s jam from Sex and the City.

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