Hurt People Hurt People

Over the weekend, I got to see one of my favorite authors, Jen Hatmaker, live as part of her Moxie Matters tour. Bonus: I attended with two of my favorite humans. Such an incredible experience!

There were so many highlights, which means there will be many more blog posts. However, Jen spent a lot of her time Friday night talking about pain…how pain is a gift, an indicator that tells us that something is wrong. She also talked about emotional and spiritual pain that’s a lot less obvious to notice. She was so spot on!

Pain, like other emotions, is so unique to the individual. The same thing that gives me a headache might not give you one. How we react to emotional or spiritual trama is also different. My biggest takeaway from Jen’s talk is that we have to move through pain. We have to be aware of its indicators, feel allllll of the feels, lean on our tribe and decide how to proceed forward. It’s a process that takes time, is hard to articulate for sure and everyone moves through it at their own pace.

Think about the last time you felt severe pain, whether it be physical, emotional or spiritual. Could you see straight or think rationally? I know I couldn’t. People who are suffering or moving through pain do not know that collateral damage they might be doing. Hurt people hurt people because that’s the only way they know how to handle their pain.

While interacting with a hurt person who is continuing to hurt others is hard, we can’t force people through their own pain. Ever the empath, I want to comfort and help my loved ones who are suffering. Sometimes that means talking about it and sometimes it means leaving that person alone. I’ve learned to read the situation and respond accordingly, based on what that specific person needs at that time. All I can do is love them through it.

And still, it’s hard for me to watch people who aren’t dealing with their pain. Why? Because if you put in the work and move through pain, you do come out the other side stronger. I have and so have others I know and love. Why can’t everyone?! The world would be a better, kinder place. Let me go reread my own words about pain being individualized, that we can’t force anyone through pain, I know, I know.

I manage my own expectations and know that not all pain is visible. It helps me compartmentalize actions. I’ll continue to show up, hold space and love my people through it. I encourage you to do the same.




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