Flowing with the Universe

The universe works in mysterious ways. If you show up for it, it will show up for you. Give a little, get a little, or least that’s the theory.

In recent weeks, the universe sent me several signs, some positive, some startling. I absorbed each with anticipation and resistance. That was my first mistake. When the universe gives you the preverbal lemons, you must make lemonade. I’m learning to flow with the universe, to receive each sign with excitement (instead of fear or resistance), to be an active participant in my life.

We all know the people who walk around letting life happen to them. I could easily be one of those people AND sometimes really horrible things do happen that we have no control over. Yet, the majority of the time, we do have a choice on how we respond to what the universe sends to us. I call this active participation in our reality, you might refer to it as going with the flow or rolling with the punches. We’re saying the same, my dear reader.

So how? What does active participation looks like?  It can be hard to find time to reflect on signs from the universe. Your days, like mine, as likely jammed packed with varying priorities at work, at home or in your community. It’s key to carve out space to just be with the universe. Stillness and silence help me really process things that have happened, people who have been put in my path for no reason at all, the timing of such events and so on. I also use people I trust as sounding boards, to talk through my reactions to these signs. Another perspective can be a plus when you’re trying to make sense of something that appears to be nonsensical.

Why is it so damn hard sometimes? For starters, finding time is hard. I also feel like when I’m not “doing” something, I’m wasting time. This is a wrong assumption; reflection, quiet time and journaling are all necessary to help move through emotions, triggers and situations. It’s also a hell of a lot easier to play the victim card and ask the universe why the situation/relationship/enter your own word is terrible/painful/enter your own negative adjective. This is a normal human reaction that we must start to recognize in ourselves. Only with awareness can we call bullshit and react more positively to what’s happening.

So what does active participation in one’s life look like? Getting off the couch on a Saturday night to watch the game at a bar instead of staying home. It’s aligning what’s important to you, your why, with your actions. If you say your health is important, then you need to actively prioritize it in your own way. What that looks like for you might be different from me and that is exactly how it should be. It’s an iterative process for sure and your why can change, likely it will as you experience new gifts from the universe.

Self Love

I meant to write this post in February, the month of love. But I got distracted. Moving on.

February is the month of love but I bet you instantly think of Valentine’s Day, couples and chocolate. But shouldn’t it start with self love? That’s what I dedicated my February (mostly) to and here’s what I learned.

Mornings at the gym set the tone for my entire day. I absolutely need sleep if I want to be nice (and probably productive too). I feel better if I eat right but that does include carbs.I get a headache if I don’t drink enough water. Destressing after work includes watching my shows including sobbing during This Is Us. I catch people’s energy. Silence scares me. So does formally joining a dating website. People’s lack of accountability drives me nuts.

My biggest realization on this self love journey? I’m a fixer, a helper, a person who is the first to offer to help. I don’t say this to be self-righteous. I share this with you as a reminder to myself and because I’m sure many of you feel the same way. I love helping people and it certainly feel good to do good. But at what point does that stop and you start becoming resentful?

Harvard Business Review’s “Big Idea” in January was called Beat Generosity Burnout. In the article, the authors share how selflessness at work (and I’d argue personally too) leads to exhaustion. It’s a fascinating read that completely resonated with me. At some point, when all you do is say yes, you reach a breaking point. You throw your hands up and say no mas!

As the article points out, there are several ways to prevent yourself from getting to this point. For me, it all comes down to boundaries. I tested my theory out this past month and for the most part, it worked. When I chose to do things based on how I was feel and my priorities, I’m happier. I got clear on my boundaries by writing down what is important to me. I also realized that each day is going to go exactly my way. It’s okay to put others first when you choose to do it versus being forced. When I did choose to help, it felt even better than before and I was more present while with the person or project.

Self care is fundamental yet we all try to be superheroes. Taking care of yourself – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually – is the only way you’ll be able to help others. So it’s not selfish, it’s the first step in loving yourself fully.

 

 

 

Love & Other Drugs

Social media was flooded with two types of posts this past Saturday: people believing in love and people jaded by love. On one side, there were pictures of flowers, chocolates and jewelry. On the other side, cynical quotes tagged with #singlesawarenessday. So many emotions, so little characters, all for one day!

Valentine’s Day doesn’t phase me; it’s just another day on the calendar. If you’re not in a relationship, then maybe you should focus on the good relationships you do have – your parents, siblings, extended family and friends. Most think of love in terms of a romance, with a significant other. But there’s so many other types of love out there, why limit Valentine’s Day to a celebration of just romantic love?

One observation: most millennials are good about broadening this definition of love. Generally speaking, we’re not a generation hyper-focused on getting married and having babies. I’m not going to pretend that I know why or that I’ve done research that shows why. My best guesses are we’re more focused on bettering ourselves, finding a career that makes us happy versus makes us money and giving back. Also, we saw how our parents did it and might not want that for ourselves. Or maybe Carrie Bradshaw did have it right, that our girlfriends are the true loves of our lives.

I don’t want to generalize and say all millennials are waiting to get married or have babies. That’s not the truth. What I am saying is that there’s something about the 20 something female that is different in this generation versus past ones. The dating game has changed with the advent of Match.com, Tinder and the like. Also, the ability to Google anyone and anything might hurt our cause versus help it. Maybe technology has helped us create this barrier, this layer of protection, so we can somewhat hide behind a computer or phone screen. It makes us less vulnerable.

I’ll admit dating does intimidate me. I don’t like to be vulnerable and put myself out there. But, as the saying goes, no risk, no reward. I waver between understanding that statement and wondering if real, true love is sought after. If it’s meant to be, won’t it find a way? Or should I be searching for it on the Internet? I don’t have an answer yet but I do know I’ll figure it out in my own way on my own time.

Either way, however you look at it, wherever you are in the dating game, have an open mind and heart. I’m going to try and suggest you do that same. You know I want to hear your thoughts on this topic! Share away!

Motivation Mondays: Stop Trying to Control Everyone!

This past week, I celebrated by 24th birthday. I am blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. The amount of birthday wishes I received along with cards and phone calls was overwhelming. I also got to spend time with some of my favorite people. Overall, ringing in 24 was a huge success.

Every year around my birthday, I think about how I want this next year to be different from the last. What areas of personal growth do I want to focus on? How can I step up my game at work? I usually get overambitious and write a list of goals for myself. But this year there’s one thing I need to focus on: assuming everyone thinks like I do.

I’ve talked about the comparison trap, managing exceptions and professional F.O.M.O. before. But as I was planning out each piece of my week-long birthday celebration, this idea occurred to me. Not everyone operates like I do. No two people think the exact same thing about a situation. I’ve assumed the people close to me think along the same lines as me. But just because we’re close doesn’t mean we have the same opinion on birthday celebrations, politics or anything else. Diverse perspectives are what makes the world go around!

My consistent issue is that I assume people (mostly in my personal life) have the same values/intentions/beliefs that I do. I expect my family and friends to fall in line with my thinking. News flash Alex, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Sometimes it’s really hard when people don’t prioritize the way you do. It can be frustrating, overwhelming, upsetting and downright disappointing. But you live, you learn and begin to understand why that person might feel that way. Easier said then done most of the time.

Yesterday, I attended a brunch held by Temple Women’s Network, where their keynote speaker Yasmine Mustafa, a Temple alum, told a story about biking Death Road in Bolivia. Named appropriately, this path is along a steep mountain with a variety of twists and turns that would cause the most adventurous individual to become skeptical. Yasmine said once she “let go” and stopped trying to control the bike, she was in less pain. She moved along the mountain with more ease and less fear. She made a perfect analogy for life: once you stop trying to control everything and everyone, life become a lot less painful. JUST. THE. MESSAGE. I. NEEDED. TO. HEAR!

So my goal for year 24 is to stop controlling how everyone in my inner circle thinks. I can’t make everyone see things my way nor do I really, truly want to. Am I still going to do things I want to do? Absolutely! But I’m not going to expect others to follow suit or to prioritize the way I do. Do you struggle with expectations and wanting others to think like you do? Share your thoughts below!

Punching My Card

At the beginning of the year, I made a promise to myself: to be healthy. I know most everyone starts the new year off with diets, new workout routines and juice cleanses. While all of that was part of my resolution, it has become so much more than that.

I knew being healthy was going to mean a change in behavior and a shift in mindset. I like to eat really good food and finding time to fit in a workout is always a challenge. But 2014 was the year when it had to change. I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life and knew something had to change. I found Zumba classes close to the train station, making it easiy to get there after work. My job also offers a strength training class after work in the cafeteria. These classes combined with a close-by yoga class and a run makes for a successful exercise week.

Each of my classes gives their participants a card to punch at each class. This card punching process has become addictive. I look so forward to class each week that I have on occasion flipped out when I couldn’t attend. Take last Wednesday for example. I couldn’t get to my strength training class because I didn’t take my car to the train station. I was in full tantrum mode by 6 a.m. After a few deep breaths, I realized that being so upset means my fitness routine has become a priority for me. This was a shift in behavior as working out was never a constant priority; now it is. I look forward to my classes and want to order a salad for lunch. Of course priorities might have to shift some days and I will miss a class. But in the end, my overall well-being ranks high on the priority list now.

Since I’ve built working out into my weekly schedule, my body feels better and my attitude is more positive. I don’t huff and puff up the subway steps and actually look forward to my walk to Penn Station after work. Now I just need to stick through it during the spring!

Has fitness always been important to you? If not, what changed? Feel free to share your thoughts!

 

Confessions Of An Over Thinker

“If everything is a priority then nothing is a priority”

I understand the quote above, it makes sense to me. But how do you define a priority? Certainly, finding a job is a priority for me but so is maintaining this blog, going to the gym and redoing my bedroom. Trying to get it all done and make each thing a priority usually leads to over thinking. For example, if I don’t send this résumé but go to the gym, will I miss out on an amazing job opportunity? If I don’t move my furniture tonight, my room won’t get painted, but then I can’t go to the gym. You get the picture.

I am the definition of an over thinker. I think and think, over-analyzing every detail until I’m comfortable with the decision I’ve reached. Mind you, I do this with everything, from big decisions like buying a car to little things like how I worded something in a text message to a friend. My constant over thinking usually leads to unnecessary stress and anxiety. I’ll lay in bed at night obsessing about what I did and didn’t do during the day. After one such night of obsession, I began to think about why I’m an over thinker. I wrote out a problem/solution list in order to figure out this other thinking issue I have.

Problem: I care too much. Most of the time, I over think things because I care too much about the person or situation. I become overly concerned and worry that I’m offending someone or ruining a relationship.

 Solution: Well, for starters, to care just a little less. I also need to remind myself that the people in my life will understand and appreciate my honesty. Being upfront with people will always be the best way to a handle a difficult situation.

Problem: I try to make everything a priority. It’s part of my superwoman tendency, thinking I can get everything done in one day. From the minute I wake up, my mind starts to race, quickly filling up with a to-do list that is nowhere near realistic.

Solution: Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? My new goal is to write down five things I’m going to get accomplished during the day. Everything after that is a bonus. Hopefully, this way, I won’t spend my time trying to figure out how it will all get done. Luckily, most things can wait until tomorrow.

While I am a overthinker, some of the best moments in my life have come from being spontaneous. I’m going to use those moments as my constant reminder to stop over thinking and just live my life.